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Friday, March 19, 2010 @ 9:52 AM

Hey tbones , Here are some jokes that might cheer u up ! BE HAPPY !!!!!! (:
Got this from the net soo YEAH !!!! read it ok ??? (:



Dead Birdie


Britney Spoof and Justin Timberfake were walking along the beach.
Suddenly, Justin says, "Aww, Britney, look at the dead birdie."
Britney looks up at the sky and says, "Where?"



Please Pass The Mayo

A kid came home from school and asked his dad, "Dad, I heard some kids talking about a thing called a vagina. What is a vagina, and what does it look like?"

"Well, son, before sex it looks like a beautiful unopened rose."

"Wow, what does it look like after sex?"

"Well son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonaise?"


CRAP!

A guy goes to the doctor and says, "Hello, I would like to be castrated."

"That's a lifechanging operation," says the doctor. "Are you sure you want to do it?"

"yes," says the man. "and if you refuse I'll go to another doctor."

"OK," says the doctor, "but it's against my advice."

So the man has his operation and he's walking around the hospital the next day with a bandage around his private area. Suddenly, he sees another man with the same thing. So he walks up to him and says, "Good afternoon, I see we got the same operation."

"Yes," says the other man, looking happy. "I've been wanting to get circumsized for 37 years, and I've finally done it."

The first man looks panicked and says, "Shit!! That's the word!"


Making Cakes

There was a family: mum, dad, brother, and two twin sisters the brother being the eldest child.
One day the mum decided to take the two twin daughters out to the zoo. The girls saw two monkeys having sex and asked: "Mum what are those monkeys doing?", the mother replied: "Oh, they're just making cakes."

The next day they went to the park and saw two dogs and asked: "Mum, what are those dogs doing?", the mother replied: "Oh, they're just making cakes."

The following day the family is at home and the two daughters go upstairs and run down to tell their brother "Mum and dad have been making cakes", he replies "How do you know?" they answer "because we just licked the icing of the bed."


(HAHAHAHAS!)


Ping Pong Balls

Three men wanted to marry the same woman. She couldn't decide. So She decided to come up with a fun way. "Whoever brings me the most ping-pong balls, that's who I'll marry." One week goes by, and the first man comes up with a dump-truck full of ping-pong balls. She's impressed. Another week goes by, and another man comes back with a freight train full of ping-pong balls. She's very impressed. She waits for the 3rd man. Finally, he comes back after six months. He's beat up. He's got a black eye, and he's covered with bruises and splattered with blood. He's carring a trash-bag. The lady says, "Sorry man, it doesn't look like you have enough ping-pong balls in that bag." He exclaims, "Ping-pong balls? I thought you said King Kong's balls!"

Father and Son

One day, a father and son go camping and when they get there, the son's dad starts to smoke. "Can i have some, daddy?" asked the son. "Can your dick reach your ass" asked the dad. "Nooo" said the son. "Then you can't have any!"
Later that night, the dad starts to drink beer. "Can i have some, daddy?" asked the son. "Can your dick reach your ass" asked the dad. "Nooo" said the son. "Then you can't have any!"
The next day, the father and son go to the store, the son buys a lotery ticket and wins a million dollers. "Can you share that with me?" asked the dad. "Can your dick reach your ass" asked the kid. "Yes! Yes, it can!" yelled the dad. "Well then, go fuck your self!"


Syngapore joke

Last night, an incident took place at Boat Quay. What happened was some idiot was trying to show off and declared that he would swim across the Singapore River. He jumped in and started swimming. But before he could reach the halfway mark, he started to panic and started to shout for help.
Being typical Singaporeans, a crowd started to gather to watch and yet no attempt was made by anybody to save that poor chap.
Suddenly there was a splash and the crowd turned to see a guy doing what seemed like a desperate attempt to reach the drowning victim. It was clear that this hero couldn't swim !
Luckily a tongkang filled with tourists was passing by and the operator saw the incident and picked both men from the water. The crowd cheered !
Back on shore, the crowd cheered again as the hero stepped off the tongkang. "Steady Lah !" and "Awright, man !" were among the many congratulations shouted.
The hero looked angry and shouted "Ka ni na! Siang too wa loh chui?" (*%#@! Who pushed me into the water?")


Long-lost son!

A young punker gets on the cross-town bus. He's got spiked, multi-colored hair that's green, purple and orange. His clothes are a tattered mix of rags, his legs are bare and he's without shoes. His face and ears are riddled with pierced jewelry and his earrings are big bright feathers.

He sits down in the only vacant seat, directly across from an old man who just glares at him for about ten miles. Finally the punk gets self conscious and spits at the old man: "What 'er you starin' at you old fart, didn't you ever do anything wild when you were young?!"

Without missing a beat the old man replies: "Yeah. Back when I was in the Navy I got real drunk in Singapore and screwed a parrot. I thought maybe you was my son."


Myss Syngapore!

One of the main reasons why in recent years the Singapore Government has always ensured that their Miss Universe representative were of tertiary level education or higher was because of the following incident which occurred not too many years ago. It is the final round of the Miss Universe Pageant and the 3 finalists, Miss USA, Miss Malaysia and Miss Singapore are being asked 3 simple questions:

MC: The first question is name me an electrical appliance starting with "L"

Miss USA: Lamp

Miss Malaysia: Light bulb

Miss Singapore: LADIO

Judge: No, no, Radio does not start with the letter "L"

MC: I am going to give you 2 more chances; The next question is name me an animal starting with the letter "L"

Miss USA: Lion

Miss Malaysia: Leopard

Miss Singapore: LABBIT

Judge: No, no, no, Rabbit does not start with the letter "L"

MC: I am going to give you one last chance, if you answer this question incorrectly, you are disqualified.

Name me a fruit starting with the letter "L"

Miss USA: Lemon

Miss Malaysia: Lychee

Miss Singapore, with full of confidence, smiles and says: LIEWLIAN !!

This is not the end of the story, the Judge consulted the board of judges to determine if Miss Singapore should really disqualified; and they decided that since Miss Singapore was having as many problems with the letter "L", the decided to give her another chance.

Judge: OK, the final question is name me a human anatomy starting with the letter "L"

Miss USA: Lung (applause)

Miss Malaysia: Liver (even more applause)

Miss Singapore: LAN JIAO

Judge: ?????????!!!!



(: